When we got a video camera


When my mom and older sister went to visit my uncle in California for a week, my dad was left in charge of me and my two younger sisters, Annie and Julie. The first thing he did was drive us over to Best Buy and purchase a video camera. I’m sure this was his way of investing in his peace of mind and ability to work from home for the week without being bothered. In my mind, I felt like I had just been given the greatest gift of a lifetime, and I was ready to make the most of it. Step aside, Steven Spielberg.

That week I captured some of the most embarrassing footage of myself to date. My best clip was me talking about the pretzels I was eating for 30 minutes and being bossy. Julie came up with her classic tune, “Candles are bright, this is your heart,” and Annie did a lot of interpretive dancing across the living room. We also preformed our first play, Hansel and Gretel. I was the witch, Annie and Julie were Hansel and Gretel, and a Ken doll was the woodsman, so you know it was good.

A year later, we moved to California, and I wrote my first skit for all my sisters to perform. It was about a psychiatrist that comes to check on this troubled little girl at her home, and everyone starts having a mental break down. It really never made much sense, and you didn’t understand it better after watching it. In one scene, I played the little girl’s dad that comes home for dinner. His wife (played by my older sister) is making hot dogs (lol!) and she forgets the buns, and that’s what causes their break down. At one point, I’m crying in the most high pitched voice you could imagine.

When we moved back to South Carolina, I started writing commercials for us. There was one for “Stay Phat” the diet pill, and my favorite, “Take it Away” the laundry stain remover. It was centered around three classy girlfriends at a Christmas party. I had to keep reinforcing the product was $15.99 or more, because I thought that was so hilarious. It’s hard being a winner.

Our last skit together with our trusty camera was, “Who cut the Cheese?” It was about a package delivery driver, that made a delivery on a dark and stormy night to this British mansion and somebody cuts the cheese, and people get real accusatory. I think I was trying to pull off an old-timey who done it mystery, but instead I chose who cut the cheese. It must have been our most successful skit, because there was also a “Who cut the Cheese 2.” Pure gold. I don’t think my dad knew how special buying that camera was going to be for us.

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