The Runaways

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My sister and I had a matching set of silk pajamas, one pink and one blue. These silk pajamas made you feel free and limber with an air of regal sophistication and grace. That’s why, while wearing them, we were inspired to create a night of classical theater. We would preform in our pj’s as Strawberry and Blueberry interpretive dance moves to some moving, classical masterpieces. These performances could last five minutes or five hours, whatever the audience’s attention span could take. The audience was always our parents.

One night, someone had the audacity to ask, “How long is this going to take?” Does no one appreciate art when they see it? Do they know how much went into one of these performances? (Nothing.) Do they know what kind of emotional toll it takes on an artist to give this much of themselves to a performance? (We weren’t artists.) We decided that if we weren’t appreciated, we weren’t going to bother staying around this place any longer. We packed up a brown paper bag with two American cheese slices and two boxes of raisins, and hit the road.

But before we hit the road, we had to finish climbing out of our bedroom window, which proved challenging for me. The front door would have been easier, but that’s not what you use when you run away for good. My jacket got hung on a nail and I was dangling above the ground. The drop was not far from a first story window, but I began to yell because my sister kept yanking on my jacket and I was afraid it was going to rip. My parents quickly showed up at the window, lowered me down, and asked what was going on. We explained our plan to leave, and waited for the tears.

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They wished us well, and agreed maybe we’d see each other somewhere down the line a few years. I was sure the pain was gonna hit them as soon as the shock wore off.

Since it was so late, we decided to camp out for the night in our backyard and get an early start to that long, lonely road in the morning. And to build up our strength for the day ahead, we broke out those cheese slices and raisins. Nobody was loving our decisions that night more than our dog. She had company outside, and she loved cheese.

It was when my sister went to knock on the back door and ask for a blanket that our adventure came to an end. We finally got yelled at to come in the house and stop getting our stuff dirty outside. I spent the last few minutes of the evening waiting for my turn in the bathtub, and sitting beside my dad at the kitchen table as he was eating grapes and explaining to me why it’s not okay to runaway from home. I didn’t join in on the grapes. I just sat there in a daze, drifting back to my time in the wild, misunderstood world of us runaways.

Begin again

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This week I started the first art class I’ve taken in a long time. I spent the days leading up stressing about getting the required supplies and worrying if it was even going to be worth the time and money. Getting anxious and stressed about everything is a terrible habit of mine. But when I walked into the little studio, I instantly felt at peace. It was like running into someone that you’ve really missed, and happy memories come flooding back. The teacher was so kind too, and he’s super talented. I don’t know why I worried so much about everything. I was so happy during class I kept having to internally tell myself not to cry. Maybe I just need more sleep. All I know is that this art class was a great decision.

I’ve spent so much time focusing my time on the wrong things, fully intending to finally get to the point where I can focus on things I love, like art. It’s never happened. I feel like that’s why my professional and personal life are a mess to me right now. I’ve never been where I need to be. I keep making decisions that seem right, but aren’t right for me. They appease everyone else, and make me miserable. I don’t want to be like that anymore. I don’t want to let any excuse keep me from doing what I enjoy during my own life. It doesn’t hurt anyone else if I pursue what I love, but it kills me when I don’t.

I want to say I don’t know if anything will even come of this art class, but something already has, really. It’s made me feel inspired, and that’s what I needed.

I do this from time to time

So, recently my brain has been trying to kill me again. I never know when I’m going to start spiraling, and I wouldn’t say I’m out of the clear for a little while just yet, but I would say I’m starting to see the light again. I’ve been working to get myself involved in things that I won’t be able to back out of, or hide from. I have to force myself out of this hole I get locked in sometimes, or the cycle never breaks. And for the first time in a month, I’ve felt capable of jotting down some words.

I’ve not gotten to do all the fallish things I’ve wanted to yet, but there is still time. I did go see ‘It’, and it was pretty amazing. Lived up the all the expectations and more. I’m thinking the little germaphobe kid was my favorite. I decided to just go see it one night by myself, and so I drove to this local theater that I’ve never been to before. The guy working at the ticket booth said I had to pick my seat, and showed me the seating chart. Well, I could tell only one other person had purchased a seat, so I just said, “Oh, it doesn’t matter, just sit me anywhere,” thinking he would pick a reasonable spot. He put me right beside the only other person in the theater. Are you for real?! I would have been fine with literally any other seat. Why would I want to walk into an empty theater and sit right next to the only other person there. Why would that person want someone to come invade their space, when it obviously isn’t necessary. Maybe he thought I would be so scared, I would need the company. I guess I learned my lesson about picking my own seat. Anyway, I sat somewhere else and really enjoyed the movie.

There is a yellow spider living on my car. It only comes out to cross my windshield while I’m driving. I think it’s trying to kill me. When I park and get out, it’s no where to be seen. ┬áIt bothers me greatly, but honestly, I guess I don’t mind as long as it doesn’t get inside my car or harass me as I’m getting in and out. I just hope it knows it’s boundaries.

Kitty is doing great. Here she is running her successful Halloween business:

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