When life becomes a horror movie

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Lately, it feels like real life has actually turned into The Happening. Suicide is a plague, and who knows who will be the next victim. Friends, acquaintances, and celebrities: people are just ending their lives right and left, and it feels like it’s escalating with no solution. As someone who suffers from severe depression, I don’t even know how I feel about it all. It’s definitely upsetting, and at the same time I just feel almost envious of the people that finally had the nerve to end it all. Oh, they don’t have to feel this way anymore.

Just the beginning of that feeling, when you know you’re about to slip into another hole, that feeling alone is enough to make me want to grab a gun and blow my brains out. I don’t even feel the full effect of the depression yet, but I know what’s coming, and I know it will be worse than before. It always is. It is too much. If you feel offended or angry by that statement, then you have probably never felt true depression.

Mentally, I can understand suicide to be an irrational feeling, but emotionally, it makes the most sense. In the worst of times, I can still logically tell myself that it will pass, and that I will again come to understand that suicide is a terrible option. But at the same time, everything inside of me sees no other options or hope of options that could possibly conclude living any longer. It’s emotionally exhausting. It’s why people just don’t want to deal with it anymore. Why go through the same scenario over and over again.

I don’t think I will ever understand why life is so painful. I don’t understand why there is such loneliness. I don’t understand why there is so much heartbreak and indifference.

Now I remember what it feels like to fly

This past month I’ve been in concert heaven. First off, I finally got to see Miranda Lambert in concert. Goal check. And she played my favorite song. Goal check two. The Weight of These Wings has been such an amazing album for me to enjoy this past year, it was great to hear the songs live.

“Sometimes I wish I lived in an Airstream, homemade curtains, lived just like a gypsy”

I know people make a fuss about being on your phones at concerts, but I will enjoy my little clips from songs over and over again. I’m a reminiscer. I would never spend the entire concert on my phone recording, but I want to catch a few clips here and there for my memories. I also love when everyone turns the lights on their phones on for aesthetic effect, lol.

Speaking of lights on phones, that makes me think of the next concert I went to, The Breakers Tour, and seeing Midland for the first time.

They keep on talkin’ drawing conclusions. They call it a problem, I call it a solution”

I have to say, I’m a little obsessed with them now. I don’t know if I’ve heard their songs before or not, I couldn’t remember. I don’t really listen to country radio that much, because there are too many annoying songs out these days, lol. I really liked Midland though. They sounded so good live, which you really can’t tell from my clip. They have that country sound from the 80’s/90’s, and that’s what I grew up listening to. I carried a John Michael Montgomery cassette tape around in my pocket all year in seventh grade because I thought it was so cool. Too bad what was cool at my school in seventh grade was to hate country music.

The Breakers Tour was so perfect. Midland, Kacey Musgraves, Little Big Town: I love all them. The reason I bought tickets to it though, was for Kacey Musgraves. I just love her songs so much, and I think Golden Hour is such a perfect record. I wish her set could have been longer.

“You’re damned if you do, and you’re damned if you don’t, so you might as well just do whatever you want”

I’ve seen Little Big Town in concert before, but it was so good to see them again. They are just so enjoyable to listen to, and they have so many new songs out since the last time I saw them that I just love. Their backdrop screen on stage just added such an amplified experience the songs. Their Bandwagon Tour with Miranda lambert starts in July! Here is a clip of their cover of Rocket Man featured on the new Restoration album, which also features Kacey Musgraves covering the song Roy Rogers.

And I think it’s gonna be a long, long time ’til touchdown brings me round again to find, I’m not the man they think I am at home. Oh no no no, I’m a rocket man. Rocket man burning out his fuse up here alone”

Go see a concert and enjoy yourself!

Mosh pits: What are they good for?

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I have only been accidentally in a mosh pit once, because I wanted to be up front, as close as possible to see a band I really liked. I thought I was going to get an up close experience of my favorite songs being preformed. Instead, I spent the evening trying not to fall down in the depths of the pushing and shoving, to be trampled and die. Which brings me to my first question: Why are mosh pits up in the front?

Oh, you paid to have a concert as the background music to your death match? Cool, lets put you right up front, so anyone that actually wants to see and enjoy the concert can sit in the way back with their binoculars and hearing aids. Just want you to “have fun.” Hey, there’s a lawn area like 6 miles back that will allow you to push and shove as much as you want without bothering anyone, but skip that and move right up on stage if you want. You’re probably more interesting than any platinum albums being played.

I worked with a guy once that lived for joining the mosh pits at concerts. He was telling me all about it, while recovering from his two broken ribs. I asked him to please tell me why that is fun. All he said was, “Are you a metal fan?” I said no, and then he told me I would never understand. Sure, good answer. I’m mean, yeah, I lost my face, and now my feet point backwards, but what a good time! What else does he find fun? Hairs in your eyes? Getting murdered? I guess I could never understand.

 

Hi, I watch Flea Market Flip

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I recently finished fixing up this old flip top vanity. I love watching those tv shows where they flip antiques, and have always wanted to try it myself. A couple years ago I converted an old table into a nightstand, and I loved the results. I even had people offer to buy it, which was super flattering (LOL!). But, I actually did want to keep it for myself, because I needed one. But that got me to thinking that I should try to fix something up to sell, and see how that would go. Well, two years later I’m trying it out. I love to get right on things.

Now, I didn’t take any before pictures because I’m dumb. There is only one picture of the drawers while Kitty was working on them.

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The structure of the vanity is very solid and well built. It just looked a little outdated with its coloring, and the facing of the left drawer was broken and taped back on. So I just had to repair the facing and clean and paint the vanity. The bench was sold with it, but it was not originally a set. The bench was a lot older and dirtier, and it had three levels of cushion and material covering the seat. So, I just had to tear all that off and clean it up, before painting and reupholstering it.

It’s not perfect, but i really like how it turned out. I’m tempted to keep it, because i’ve always wanted a vanity, but I’m more determined to see if it would sell. I guess if it doesn’t then I’ll be forced to keep it. Haha! Win win, really.

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Right after I took this picture, Kitty proceeded to push the violets off the top of the vanity. I guess the family counseling isn’t working.

Truck stop, Rest stop, Next stop Texas

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On this day last year, I woke up to an Oklahoma sunrise. I had randomly left the day before on a road trip I had been wanting to take my whole life. I hadn’t packed any bags or taken anything with me. Everything was on a whim, and I loved it. I had driven most of the day until I was too tired to continue. I pulled over and fell asleep in my car in a Walmart parking lot. The sunlight woke me up. I started my car, and carried on.

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I felt so excited that morning. As I drove, I was surrounded by beauty, and I was getting ready to cross through more of the most amazing scenery. I put on one of my favorite Miranda Lambert songs, cried, and cruised along. I would make it to Arizona by that evening.

I’ve always had this desire to drive out to the middle of nowhere in the mid west, where you’re only surrounded by big, empty fields, get out of my car, and run around ’til I’m exhausted. I don’t know why, but it always seemed like the most freeing thing to do. I found plenty of open roads with big, open fields. I never ran around, but I did walk up and down the roads, smelling the fresh air, observing the wild life, and letting the sun cure my sadness.

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I don’t want money. I don’t want things. I want to create things I love, and see the world. If I could pick up and head out to a new destination everyday, that’s what I would do. I can’t do that this week, but I can go to a concert and reminisce over some of my favorite tunes by a gal that shares my love for the open road. Still checking off another life goal.

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Golden Hour

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I can’t wait to hear all these songs. You can pre-order now on iTunes

You look out the window
While I look at you
Sayin’ I don’t know
Would be like saying that the sky ain’t blue
And boots weren’t made for sitting by the door
Since you don’t wanna stay anymore

You can have your space, cowboy
I ain’t gonna fence you in
Go on ride away, in your Silverado
Guess I’ll see you ’round again
I know my place, and it ain’t with you
Sunsets fade, and love does too
Yeah, we had our day in the sun
When a horse wants to run, there ain’t no sense in closing the gate
You can have your space, cowboy

After the gold rush, there ain’t no reason to stay
Shoulda learned from the movies that good guys don’t run away
But roads weren’t made to not go down
There ain’t room for both of us in this town

So you can have your space, cowboy
I ain’t gonna fence you in
Go on ride away, in your Silverado
I’ll see you around again
‘Cause I know my place, and it ain’t with you
Sunsets fade, and love does too
We had our day in the sun
When a horse wants to run, ain’t no sense in closing the gate
So you can have your space